Finding Myself

"Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!" ~ Og Mandino

This last year has brought many changes to my life. Changes I want to keep with me, and bring to my family. Changes in attitude, nutrition, work, and my family life. Everyday I feel like I learn something new about myself. How I want to be...scratch that who I want to be. I am 26 years old and I am still figuring myself out. I am still realizing my potential. Potential I wish I would have known about when I was in high school. I never realized how strong I could be, and how much I would have to overcome.

I believe Mary Schmich had it right back in 1997 when she wrote the column "Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted On The Young" for the Chicago Tribune. However, most of my generation knows it as the Sunscreen Song performed by Baz Lurhman. However, one of the quotes that stuck with me the most was "Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young." Yes I am only 26, but I refuse to keep letting my nomadic lifestyle seperate me from those that knew me. I have had so many great friends...all of which played a role in my life that lead me to where I am today. Most of my friends are my family to me at this point, and I am lucky to have a pretty extensive family. They have been the ones to help when I am on deployments or dets, when I am away from those that I love. Some of which have been in my life day in and day out for the past 6 years. Others I have known since the 5th grade, and lost touch with. However I am trying to retie those bonds.

It was easy to be selfish in the past. That was exactly how I was...I was so selfish. I can not be like that anymore. I wont be like that anymore. My life  stopped being about just me years ago and there have been times where I tried to make it about just me. It's not though, and I have a bigger grasp of that situation now. 

My family, and friends...they are my inspiration to want to be a better person. They inspire me to be strong, and passionate about the obstacles thrown in my path. With them by my side I feel like there is nothing I can not do or face. I have an incredible life, but it has not been without hard decisions. Every choice I made whether it is good or bad I will have to live with. The only thing I can do is learn to forgive myself, learn from, and then let go of the bad choices I have made. I have a trend of holding on to the bad things so long, and its a heavy feeling on me. I do not want those feelings anymore, and I refuse to be weighed down by the choices I made in my youth.

My life has been a wild rollercoaster ride, and it probably will still be that way. That does not mean it has been a bad roller coaster ride just a loopy one. I am coming to realize though that it's ok, and that everything will be ok. My inner strength comes from wanting to be there for everyone, but I cant be there for them unless I can be there mentally for me. It's so easy to push everything going on in my life to the back of my mind. I am realizing more and more though by doing that I never dealt with what is going on with me. I never dealt with my issues and I unitentionally caused myself to be held back. Once I started dealing with everything though and started talking with my friends and letting them be there for me I was able to let go. I was able to work on me, and my issues. Which directly resulted in me being a stronger person both mentally and physically. I find myself pushing harder and harder. Whether its to get back in shape, be a better parent, or be better at my job.

I have taken the negative out of my life, I am letting go of those that are negative in my life. I do not need to have their negative energy to feed on mine. I have postive friends, and postive lifestyle. I want to keep that and I will fight like hell to keep it. I want to get rid of the negative feelings and energy. I do not want it to have any control on my life. I want Johnny to have postivity in his life...I want him to look at me and be inspired to be his best. That's what I want out of my life...to be the very best person I can be and for my son to want that same drive and motivation.

It does not get any better than this. He is my inspiration to be a better person.